I wanted to talk about being young and married, I’ll tell you from the jump this may not be what you expected it to be, but it will be from the heart. I’ve been married nearly 8 years to my lovely wife. We started dating at 16, engaged at 20, married at 21 and now I’m 28.
This post is brought to you today by Guest Blogger, Kevin Fredericks.. You can find more of him at @kevonstage on Twitter and at KevOnStage.
My wife was the first girl who was not all over me, it was a challenge to get her attention, keep her attention and get her to date me. Once she said yes I never let her go. I never plan on letting her go either. One thing that being married has taught me is that it really is “growing old together” “going through life together”. When I married my wife her parents were happily married, mine were too. Both our families lived in Washington everyone was for us getting married (some thought we should wait, but weren’t against it) and a funny thing happened. Life changed. A couple years into our marriage my wife’s parents got divorced. After 20+ years they called it quits. It rocked everybody. You would think divorce would mess up little kids more the young adults, but my wife and her sisters ALL took the divorce hard. Everything they ever knew changed. Holidays, phone calls, everything. That divorce changed my marriage as well. Knowing that a couple you looked to for guidance could end their marriage changes your perception for how well yours could turn out. Doubt that never crept in was now blowing the door wide open.
Then Life happened again. Our one kid became two and the house we bought just to start out for a few years now became our house for forever it seemed. The housing market crashed and we were stuck living somewhere for 5 years when all we wanted to do was live there a year may be two.
Then life happened again. I got fired. I didn’t lose my job, I wasn’t laid off, I under performed and was shown the door. As a proud man that completely demoralized me. I was no longer the amazing super employee Kevin I was an out of work bum. At least that’s how I felt. My wife took a lot of pressure to be the primary breadwinner for almost a year and she never made me feel bad about it. I did enough of that on my own.
Then life happened again. I got hired at a very respected company making more then I ever had. Things were starting to look up. Even my comedy game increased for the last couple months its been 3 or 4 shows a week up from 3 or 4 a month. Money flows in its all good. It seems. But the life of a public figure is straining on a family and a marriage. Boundaries have to be set, feelings are expressed, tears are shed mine and hers. It’s not easy and I think that is the point of this entire piece. MARRIAGE IS NOT EASY.
It takes a lot of work, diligence, patience, care, and love to overcome the feelings of unhappiness, fear, doubt, and suspicion. It’s hard to live with someone period, even harder when that person is of the opposite sex. Raising kids doesn’t make it easier they are high maintenance they need time and love to survive and thrive.
At the end of the day marriage is what you make it. Divorce is an easy escape but it won’t be mine. I am determined to love and cherish my wife until I take my last breath. Its difficult, impossible without God I think. Harder in this day and age then in the past. But it is worth it if you make it worth it. More then anything in life I want to go to heaven and have a wife and family that loves me as much as i love them. I can do without the money, praise, pictures, videos and all that. I cannot do it without my wife. Love hard or don’t love at all. If you aren’t ready to grow with someone don’t marry them. Because growth has growing pains so does marriage. You don’t ease into different phases in life, life kicks you in the nuts and tries to knock your jaw off while you recover. You have to fight for love, fight for marriage, fight for what you believe in.
I’m ready to do that. Are you?