Seven years ago, I met a guy who ended up being one of my best friends for the next three years. Talking to him with the pure intentions of just being friends made it so much easier to get along and literally talk about everything. To me, he was just a homeboy… to him I was like one of the guys– I like football, I can hang out with the best of them at concerts and in the down time, I love to go to the movies. He was a great person to hang out with.
Well, fast forward three years later, we were single and ready to mingle. We had already established a friendship that has withstood the test of times. But of course, when considering a relationship, one must weigh the pros and cons… will I ruin my friendship by dating someone and it not working out. Was it really worth that risk?
Honestly, it was worth me finding out if I could have happiness in a relatioship. Afterall, this friend of mines has always been honest with me, treated me with respect and has never shown me signs that he could be a Dr. Jeckyl, Mr. Hyde… but let’s be clear, I knew that for a fact because he had remained consistent over the YEARS! Sometimes we get about three MONTHS in and think that it will always be sunshine and roses. It takes years to build a foundation. And even if you approach someone and get into a relationship right away because you feel something for each other immediately… no matter how attracted to each other you are, and no matter the title, you are still in the friendship foundational stage. Its that stage that is the most important of them all.
Its friendship that helps you get over the little things that annoy you about your significant other. Its friendship that allows you to be able to argue and make up without holding on to grudges about what the other has said–Loving relationships begin with friendships. There are times where I can say to my husband, “as your friend…” and he understands what place that I am coming from. It’s that honest, let me shoot it to you straight place where hopefully he can receive what I am saying with love. Its your real friends afterall, that always have your back and never do anything intentional to hurt or harm you. It’s in the tougher times of marriage that you reflect on how it used to be when there was no pressure and if there are not that many times for you to reflect on, perhaps on this day, instead of expecting roses and commercial expressions of love– do something that will build your friendship with your partner.
Never would’ve thought that in random passing one day, seeing some random guy sit by a door I was exiting, not saying a single thing to him that day and eventually seeing him months later …would I have known that I had met the love of my life. One phone call of just laughing about life led to 3 years of catching up with each other being friends to 3 years of courting and now a year and a half of marriage. 7 years later, he is still my Valentine. And truthfully, every day is Valentine’s Day with this guy…
Whether you are married, in a committed relationship, single and ready to mingle… whatever you are looking for.. just remember it begins with friendship. So instead go out looking for friends and I bet you have better results in your choice of companions. Because how can you build a life with someone if you can’t even carry on a conversation with them?… such another topic for another day.