Wife Guilt

I have Wife Guilt –
There are times where I really feel guilty about some opportunities that come my way and I feel terribly guilty that I can’t share them with my husband. Afterall, we are supposed to share the rest of our lives together. I can’t stand to see disappointment on his face and of course, I am hard on myself and feel like I am the cause of some major disappoints.
I really don’t even know if its a newlywed thing- this wanting my husband to be a part of everything, or the feeling guilty because he can’t come or that I leave him at home to go have fun with the girls. Is it just me? will I ever get over this horribly guilty feeling…
For example, I left hubby at home all weekend to go to Sorority weekend. Something that clearly there was no need for him to be at. But being at a conference always throws my schedule off and I feel bad because it seems like for that one weekend I am away that we are in a long distance relationship and I am not doing my part in keeping in touch.
I also feel guilty when I get tickets to something and I don’t get a plus one. As my sister would call it “The Married Struggle” – it’s like do you not go because your husband can’t go or do you just go and pray he isn’t too disappointed that you won’t be able to tell him how awesome-sauce it was.
I remember once where I took my husband then boyfriend to the Stellar Awards- a gospel awards show. It had been my second time going and it was his first time being there. What made it extra special was that two artists whom he produced were up for Best New Artist. On the show that year, the Best New Artists were able to perform a snippet of their single – the two artists happen to perform songs that he produced. Well, show was over so to beat the crowd- boyfriend goes to get the car while I go with the artist to help him pack his things that he brought over to perform in the show. Well, once backstage I met everyone… literally took pictures, made jokes, had random video moments of everyone in Gospel I had ever want to meet… and where was producer boyfriend- waiting out front with the car. I felt so guilty.
Now, I have offers to multiple Balls in Washington, D.C. for Inauguration, but of course I get no plus one. I turned down two because I just knew it would not be fair nor would it be enjoyable. One I could attend because more then likely it will be a mostly female crowd. But then… I got a call that perhaps I was not going to get a plus one to the swearing in like we did last time. In 2008, not only did my boyfriend get to go with me but so did my sisters then NEW boyfriend and my parents. Well, rules changed and now we are sitting waiting for confirmation of tickets. My sister and I are guarenteed along with my parents. But God knows I am going to feel SUPER GUILTY telling hubby, he can come to the hotel, but I am not sure if I can take you to any balls or the swearing in this time.
Does anyone else feel guilty when they get to do something amazing and can’t share it with their husband? what do you do? do you go? or do you opt out?
Wife Guilt.
and it sucks.
Praying that something comes through because God knows I don’t want to have to tell him any news like that.

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4 thoughts on “Wife Guilt

  1. Cece says:

    I normally don't feel guilty if I go off and do my own thing. I miss him on girls weekends and when I got out without him but I know it's important for couples to do their own thing and he wants me to get out as well. BUT it sounds like these things coming up for you are pretty fabulous and I can understand why you feel bad about going without him AND don't want him missing out. I think he'd still want you to go though even if he's bummed a bit that he can't go along. I don't think you should miss an experience because he can't go although I know you'd rather share it with him.

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  2. Faith says:

    I don't necessarily feel guilty but I do feel bad. I've gotten wedding invites without a plus one (while married) which I've declined.

    But I completely see where you're coming from. I don't get the many amazing opportunities as you do so I can only imagine how difficult it is not to share it with your husband. Or telling him that he can't go because he hasn't been invited. Yikes, that's hard especially if he really wants to go.

    I hope that it all works out and that he is able to go along. But try not to feel guilty as you've done nothing wrong.

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  3. Perfectly Imperfekt Me, aka Maya D. says:

    I totally agree with Faith. These are definitely hard decisions to make, but you certainly shouldn't feel guilty about it. Hey, it's not something you have control over. I mean, you can't send out a mass message saying “Hey, look! The opportunities/events sound totally fabulous and I am more than interested in attending, but you cannot invite me unless you invite the huz” quite frankly, thats just not proper.

    I won't even pretend to have advice for you because I don't, I haven't been in your situation, However, I hope you are able to come to a consensus on how you (with the help of GOD) can handle this dilemma.

    Wishing you all the best-xoxo
    Maya D

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  4. Karen Curtis says:

    Aww, I think that it is sweet that you even take him in to consideration. My husband and I struggle more with telling the other one that we don't want to go to something. I had no interest in paying a ton of money to go to a NBA game with floor seats. However, it made him super happy so I went. He is going to another crazy expensive game this week and thankfully I don't have to go. I am going to hang with my best girlfriend for her birthday instead. Ah, married folks struggle! Glad I found your blog!

    -Karen
    http://www.yourstylistkaren.com

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