This day, almost three years ago now – was the day I knew that I was going to be with my best friend for the rest of my life. Someone whom I loved and could easily laugh with. The difference was that although we knew that this was not only the right thing to do but what God had definitely put together, you go into it mostly unknowing of what may happen in the future.
You plan as much as you can. And trust me, we planned more for the marriage then I did for our elaborate wedding and thats saying a lot! But you do not know the decisions that you will actually make until they are presented to you. Up until that point, you are talking through hypothetical situations (which by the way I think it is crucial to do. Some topics should NEVER be saved to work out in the name of love post-wedding).
So before you think that I am going somewhere different with this post. Let me get to what I am really trying to say – As much as we marry a person for the things that we have in common and the things that we accept, its the differences that will make marriage seem like work. Its not impossible, but its doable AND its totally worth it.
So often I think we see these indescretions in marriage, or people giving up because they get to a place down the road where fundamental differences start shining through and they feel as though the person has changed. Not so – who they are in that situation had not yet arose for you to work through. You think that two heads are better than one, but what do we do when you two are bumping heads? Trust me, there are moments where you wish you didnt have to consult the other person to make a decision.
Have we worked through differences? Of course!
One of the first things that we had to work through when we moved in together was which direction the toilet paper was supposed to go on the roll. It may seem like something so minor, but when you add that to, What side of the bed do you prefer to sleep on? Who gets what side of the bathroom? What side of the closet do you want? And you begin to feel like you are arguing or compromising on everything that you are used to.
So if there are lessons that I have learned almost three years later – its that my husband is pretty set on how things should go. He will hear me out and at times compromise, however, I have to respect the fact that he bases what he desires on how he was raised and his life experiences.
Another difference between the two of us is how we handle money. We are both good at managing money and multiple accounts – we just do it differently. And each month I am sure of it – we work each others nerves on how money should be alloted. In the beginning of our marriage, I was all for separate but equal bank accounts and he had to persuade me to accept joint bank accounts. Something about my money sharing space, which it never had to do scared the living daylights out of me. Probably because it was ok when I could just spend my money how I wanted but now I was going to have to be accountable for each dollar I spent. I swore I was going to get hounded for my numerous trips to Target and unnecessary trips to Starbucks and McDonalds – it turns out not so much. He just budgeted around my habits and manages our household according to what we need to do. And there are times where I look at him questioning why he may manage our household income the way that he does, and I tell you my overanalytical law and order mind just wants to have things done a certain way, but at the end of the day – since being married, I have never been without nor have we ever been in danger of being on the streets or having things cut off. We’ve actually been more blessed financially as married couple than we have when we were single sharing bills and what not.
Now, with our daughter on the way – we will definitely see differences in what we choose to provide her and how we plan to raise her. I have seen it make or break couples. I am praying that as God has definitely helped us get this far.. he will help us get through this little person that we have so much to teach.
Just a little bit of reflection, thinking about how we have been almost married for 3 years, dated for 3 years was friends for 3 years and now sit here pregnant after trying for almost 3 years with my first child – half baked – officially. Life is changing. And sometimes you just need a reminder that everything may not be perfect in your relationship or even your marriage, but never give up in the perfecting process. Happily ever after is attainable.