From the Archives: Additive? I think not!

Back when Notes was popular on Facebook, I was known to jot a few down here and there. I want to share a few with you here for your reflection and feedback on the topics. 
I bring you the first one that speaks about love, relationships and marriage. I originally wrote this on August 25, 2006. At the time I was living in Chicago, having just moved there in December 2005 in order to complete my Masters at Northwestern University in Evanston, Illinois. I had ended a 4 and 1/2 year relationship at the top of 2005 and was really praying in that season for someone who was right for me, which meant that I was super sensitive about anything relationship related. 
This is a picture of me from 2006 – age 24 and probably at the weight I wish I was at this age… but thats a completely different post. 

So I bring you “Additive? I think Not!”
Every morning I am awakened by my radio alarm that is preset to Chicago’s own 107.5 WGCI. Every morning it wakes me just as the relationship hour is on and I hear the craziest relationship questions…
Well for the last week the conversation has been quite disturbing because there is this guy that is on there every morning. He is 24 years old and thinks that he is an expert in relationships and yet is not in one himself. 

The original question that was asked, which is one that I have heard many times was ” I am an educated, african-american female that has her own place, no children, a car, and a very good paying job but can’t seem to find a decent man. What is it that men want, because I feel as though I am something that they would want, and yet I am still single?” 

This sent the conversation into a number of comments from “women shouldn’t be looking for men… to you must have something wrong with you that you just can’t see. If you are attract what you are and you are attracting trifling men, then you must be trifling.”

The comment that he continues to drive home on a daily basis is that “Women are an additive to Men.” His reasoning is because Women take the last name of a man, and because he feels as though no matter what role we have in the workplace, we must leave it at the door and become whatever it is that he wants us to be in the home (whether it be a cook, maid, or lover) because we are submissive, we must be the additive.

I BEG TO DIFFER!!!! And anyone who agrees with this line of thinking. Women were never created to be an additive. People do not complete people in relationships. People COMPLIMENT people in relationships. When God made Adam, he already had Eve in mind. He has made us to seamlessly compliment our soulmates or helpmates as some would put it. Its like a puzzle. Each piece has a unique shape. But when you put one end to the other, it completes the puzzle. Each connection is complimentary and neither piece is an additive to the other.

So many people misquote the Bible when they only quote the verse that says “Wives submit to their husbands…’ and forget the rest that says “as he submits to the church.” If you are dating someone who doesn’t even go to Church, how dare they expect you to submit. And if they were walking in the will of God, they would know in order to be treated like a King, which women have no problem doing, you must treat your woman as a Queen. She is not subordinate to you. Thats why God gave Adam the animals first. Those are the things in which man was supposed to have dominion over. God never created Eve to be a creature for Adam to have dominion over. Thats the purpose of the animals. We all have a place and a purpose. Being an Additive is not a woman’s purpose in life. We were created for more than that!

The quality of relationship that you have with the creator will shape the quality of the relationship with your mate. If you haven’t found each other yet, its because there are still some things that need to be worked out individually before you can contribute to each other without having to compromise your integrity and your true self away. He or She is on the way.post signature

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