From the Archives: Additive? I think not!

Back when Notes was popular on Facebook, I was known to jot a few down here and there. I want to share a few with you here for your reflection and feedback on the topics. 
I bring you the first one that speaks about love, relationships and marriage. I originally wrote this on August 25, 2006. At the time I was living in Chicago, having just moved there in December 2005 in order to complete my Masters at Northwestern University in Evanston, Illinois. I had ended a 4 and 1/2 year relationship at the top of 2005 and was really praying in that season for someone who was right for me, which meant that I was super sensitive about anything relationship related. 
This is a picture of me from 2006 – age 24 and probably at the weight I wish I was at this age… but thats a completely different post. 

So I bring you “Additive? I think Not!”
Every morning I am awakened by my radio alarm that is preset to Chicago’s own 107.5 WGCI. Every morning it wakes me just as the relationship hour is on and I hear the craziest relationship questions…
Well for the last week the conversation has been quite disturbing because there is this guy that is on there every morning. He is 24 years old and thinks that he is an expert in relationships and yet is not in one himself. 

The original question that was asked, which is one that I have heard many times was ” I am an educated, african-american female that has her own place, no children, a car, and a very good paying job but can’t seem to find a decent man. What is it that men want, because I feel as though I am something that they would want, and yet I am still single?” 

This sent the conversation into a number of comments from “women shouldn’t be looking for men… to you must have something wrong with you that you just can’t see. If you are attract what you are and you are attracting trifling men, then you must be trifling.”

The comment that he continues to drive home on a daily basis is that “Women are an additive to Men.” His reasoning is because Women take the last name of a man, and because he feels as though no matter what role we have in the workplace, we must leave it at the door and become whatever it is that he wants us to be in the home (whether it be a cook, maid, or lover) because we are submissive, we must be the additive.

I BEG TO DIFFER!!!! And anyone who agrees with this line of thinking. Women were never created to be an additive. People do not complete people in relationships. People COMPLIMENT people in relationships. When God made Adam, he already had Eve in mind. He has made us to seamlessly compliment our soulmates or helpmates as some would put it. Its like a puzzle. Each piece has a unique shape. But when you put one end to the other, it completes the puzzle. Each connection is complimentary and neither piece is an additive to the other.

So many people misquote the Bible when they only quote the verse that says “Wives submit to their husbands…’ and forget the rest that says “as he submits to the church.” If you are dating someone who doesn’t even go to Church, how dare they expect you to submit. And if they were walking in the will of God, they would know in order to be treated like a King, which women have no problem doing, you must treat your woman as a Queen. She is not subordinate to you. Thats why God gave Adam the animals first. Those are the things in which man was supposed to have dominion over. God never created Eve to be a creature for Adam to have dominion over. Thats the purpose of the animals. We all have a place and a purpose. Being an Additive is not a woman’s purpose in life. We were created for more than that!

The quality of relationship that you have with the creator will shape the quality of the relationship with your mate. If you haven’t found each other yet, its because there are still some things that need to be worked out individually before you can contribute to each other without having to compromise your integrity and your true self away. He or She is on the way.post signature

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It’s Our Anniversary! and Bump Update

Today is our 3rd Year Wedding Anniversary!
Three Years does not seem like a long time, but time does indeed fly when you are always having fun!
I can honestly say, Three Years later we still love each other if not even more!
We have learned how to fight fair which means, we may argue from time to time but the “being mad at each other” part doesn’t last as long… because as much as we know how to push each others buttons, we also know how to diffuse each other as well.
We have learned to recognize when we have an argument how to recognize when it may be outside issues provoking whatever it is that we may be arguing about.
Also, we have learned to keep the fire going – we still date as if we aren’t married.
We go on weekly date nights and find it most important to carve out some time to just be with each other.
We have literally learned to be better friends to each other.
God has truly blessed us and we are both thankful for the growth we have experienced as a couple in the last three years.
I am looking forward to the future and so grateful of the many blessings that come with the promises of God for married couples.
Also, as you know we are expecting our first child – a Baby Girl.
I haven’t been able to keep up with the cute updates past the first trimester, but its definitely time for a Bump Update.
This week: 22 weeks Pregnant
Weight Gain: +4lbs.
Doctor’s Updates: Baby passed Quad bloodtest = no downs or other fatal syndromes present.
Mom Updates: Blood Pressure normal, still no major cravings although I may mix the oddest combinations of foods, still wearing flat shoes because my sciatica acts up from time to time, definitely using my pregnancy pillow and at times have to steal it back from hubby, rings still on, lost weight in some places and gained it all in belly. Sadly I have pregnant face but thats ok, have linea nigra as well but no stretch marks.
Gender: Girl
Name: To Be Revealed at Baby Shower
Nursery Theme: Vintage Owls
Dad’s Update: His face in this picture says it all.
Until next time.

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Snowquesterin’ & Our First Look

This is our present situation in the DMV: Yet another excuse for Congress to not be working on this budget as the Snowquester moves into the area. Presently the snow is falling at a rate of 1-2″ per hour so nothing too major just yet. But where I live we are still “in waiting” of this snow storm.
Can’t complain though because I got that coveted email that every one in my Agency was waiting for: “Federal Government Offices are Closed”. 
Unfortunately, I popped right up at 4am to make sure that we were closed. 
Never again — it made me completely exhausted. 
Hubby is quite jealous sad because he has to report to work – it doesn’t help his cause that we lives like less then 10 mins away from his job. 
So what do you do when you have days like this?
You write about things that you haven’t shared before!
Our First Look on Wedding Day!
A first look is a moment captured on film where the bride and groom see each other for the first time that day. 
Sometimes its really hard to capture the moment of the Groom and Bride seeing each other for the first time when they walk down the aisle. 
A first look is another way to do that. 
We chose to forego tradition and do a first look because: 
1. We don’t really believe in luck when it comes to marriage. Its work. And we were in it for the long haul – whether we see each other now or at the church. 
We planned for our marriage just as extensively as we did our wedding. 
We even went to pre-marital counseling for about 3 months even before we got engaged to get prepared for “married life” and have had refreshers since. 
2. We paid to have great photographers and also had a late afternoon wedding – 
Something about the sunset intrigued me greatly. 
However, who wants to go into the church to come out and have to rush to take pictures because we were losing natural light. 
We wanted to make sure that after the wedding we would have family time more then taking pictures for hours. 
So here is how our afternoon went: 
All photos provided by JPIX Photography 
(some are from the raw proofs)
I had my Bridal Shoot earlier that afternoon and then hid up in my Suite until they said it was “safe” to come downstairs. 
Hubby was having his Groom shoot as I was getting off the elevator – and was told to wait until he made his way down the stairs. 
My Matron and Maids of Honor waited in the Lobby while the Grooms Men were standing by the Photog at the foot of the stairs trying to keep Hubby talking so that he would not turn around as he could hear my heels coming slowly down the stairs. 
I was focusing on not tripping on my train as my legs were kinda bound and I couldn’t really hold on to the hand rail.

Here I come!

He thought he was so cool – if he only knew what was about to happen.. 

I reached out and tapped him on his shoulder – 
He said “What are you doing here?!”
See. Clueless.

He is still asking – “Why didn’t you tell me?” 
I was cracking up probably because I was nervous but also because I pulled off a great surprise. 
I looked at him and he was shaking and looked like he was about to cry. 
He definitely was taken away- 
Something I would’ve never seen as I walked down the aisle. 

We got to have our own private moments and get all the nervous laughter out before our ceremony and I was so glad that they caught it all. 
We took a few posed pictures before heading to the church but definitely spent the morning while doing so telling each other how excited we were for the day. 

Honestly we made a bet as to who would cry at the ceremony, I said he would, but I lost… because little did I know he had a surprise of his own – 
He wrote a song for me and sang me down the aisle. 
He sang his heart out and I  cried. 
I just wanted to share just one more pic that we took that I just loved !
This one we took at our Reception Venue
This was when I took off my ceremony gown and
 put back on my reception dress just before the garter toss. 
If I could do all again – 
I would not change my mind about doing a First Look. 
It was so worth those moments. 

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Roses are Red and Pink: Friday’s Letters

So, as you know by this post, I didn’t know what to expect for Valentine’s Day or if I should even expect to celebrate Valentine’s Day at all.
Later, hubby revealed to me was that his rationale for thinking it was ok not to celebrate was because Valentine’s Day fell on a Thursday.
From the book of wife life, “who cares what day it falls on. You can’t pretend it doesn’t exist”.
Yes, I partly care less about Valentine’s Day because its not a real holiday but I am far from a debbie downer saying that the day is stupid and should be ignored.
It really just means that we can move our date night up a day and go date with the rest of the country.
You truly don’t have to go overboard. I definitely don’t see it as Christmas for lovers.
Either who, I guess hubby said “if you want Valentine’s Day, then I will give you Valentine’s Day!”
Yesterday morning hubby wanted to take me to work and pick me up and from there I knew he would take me to dinner – because going to eat Sushi is all I asked for.
Well, Thursdays is a day that I spend mostly in the field doing home visits. So I told him I would go to work and be home probably sooner then expected.
I noticed he was irritated but he wouldn’t say why.
Well, I took myself to work and was in the field. At the last minute I decided to stop by my office to use the bathroom and then be gone for the day on a Walk/Run for my agency.
Well, luckily I did stop by the office because these flowers were delivered to my office by hubby as a surprise. And boy did he get me! because I kid you not, I thought he didn’t even know the address to my office.
Sneaky Sneaky Mr. Hubster!

They were so beautiful. They have a special place on my desk for the next few days – sadly I won’t be back in the office until Wednesday so hopefully they are still holding on when I return.
So when I got home it was time for his surprise.
He was in the kitchen warming up his food and washing dishes.
I knew he would have to come back to the microwave so I just stood there in silence ready to surprise him.
And surprise him I did! HA! See that look on his face!
He checked out  skimmed the card and then the goods…
I got him Ted on Blu Ray – He was definitely pleased with that. And I owe him a Ravens edition Sports Illustrated!
So then he took me out to eat Sushi! To make it special, instead of going to the regular places we go – he researched a spot we had never been to so that we could try it together. It was an hour away in Dulles, Virginia. And that was fine by me because I hadn’t been out that way in a long time.
Here’s my V-day outfit of the day.
Sweater: NY&Co. Shirt: NY&Co. Pants: Forever21+ Shoes: Bakers Jewelry: Forever21
My shoes are black with metallic specks so I figured why not do the same in the tights under my ripped jeans. Peak-a-Boo!
Food was great! Sushi was amazing! YAY!
Then we went to go see Safe Haven –
I didn’t know what to expect because The Notebook set the standard for emotional romantic stories but this one was far from it. It was definitely more of a mystery, thriller, romantic love story with a twist at the end that made me love it more. In a romantic mood? Go see this.
Hope you had a wonderful Valentine’s Day
and now some brief letters…
Dear Sorors, Brown Bag Lunch today. I’m there.
Dear Hubby, Thanks for everything yesterday and we have a long weekend to hang out so can’t wait!
Dear NBA All-Star Game, I was there last year but this year it was just off my radar.. maybe next year.
Dear New Readers, Thanks for hanging with me.
Dear Ashley, Congrats on your pregnancy!
Dear Crystal and Marquis, So happy that the twins are finally here!
Dear Job, Thanks for the Special Achievement Award – much appreciated!
Dear Parents, miss you much!

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Valentine’s Day after Marriage

Oh Valentine’s Day –
I can remember when Valentine’s Day started to matter to me.
I guess it was around 16 or 17 years old.
It was the age I gave myself that I felt like it was finally appropriate to date. I grew up on The Cosby Show and had a real fear of embarassment if I were to ever bring a boy home.
Problem is, by the time I started to care, I was already in college – and at Howard University no less. Which I swear is the the picture perfect classic case of HBCU you can find.
I mean, the things I saw happening on A Different World – happened at Howard, and then some.
Either who, it was at the point that I cared that I wish I didn’t because I was “young” compared to my classmates. I was scared to talk to boys. Basically I had no boyfriend.
I didn’t care though… until…
Every Valentine’s Day some sap of a freshman or sophmore male would be waiting in the lobby for some chick to come and sign them in.
He would be carrying the most obnoxious expressions of Valentine’s Day: horrid white teddy bears and large roses and balloons. Basically whatever they could find. (no offense to anyone who loves this stuff, but its just not for me).
And if you sat in the lobby long enough, the same chick would be there to get stuff from the next dude that came about three hours later.
Either who, it was the days I decided that I would not care – and yet was bitter, because I cared.
When I finally had a boyfriend I would be sent stuff and realized, I really just didn’t like all of that. I felt like it wasn’t for me.
When my husband and I dated, we put such little emphasis on things and made it about just spending quality time together. So much so, I can’t honestly remember what he did on Valentine’s Day last year. And its not because it wasn’t wonderful, but its because he does wonderfully awesome things all year long that I don’t remember what day it falls on.
This year however, I came home after the husbands at my job were asking my opinion as to what they should do for Valentine’s Day – one seriously suggested he get his wife a $25.00 giftcard for McDonald’s. I am praying for him even now, but I told my husband all I wanted to do was to go out to eat sushi and I would be a happy camper.
You see, I LOVE Sushi. I don’t know why but I seriously do.
We eat it pretty regularly but I didn’t want the whole fancy steakhouses that we do for anniversary because in all honesty, who needs Valentine’s day when you do something special any day of the week?
What I was not expecting was my husband to say “Valentine’s Day?! – oh I have rehearsal that day so we won’t be doing anything.”
Umm excuse me?!
and just like that – without realizing it… I felt like I was going to be just like that girl again at Howard, watching and reading on Facebook, Instagram and the Blogs (basically my online campus) of how wonderful Valentine’s Day was and realize I am at home doing NOTHING and was going to be by myself.
I think when he said it I was so taken back that I just stopped speaking. I went into my own little world.
Luckily, my husband knows me well… and yes I acted out. When our friends asked at the Grammy party what we were doing for Valentine’s Day, I yelled back “NOTHING” and stormed out the room. LOL.
But of course, he got the message in my silent protest.
So this week, probably Tuesday, he says “So on Valentine’s Day…”
I said, “Oh What? You want to talk about it now?!” (attitude central)
He says, “Will you hush, I cancelled rehearsal and we have reservations.”
You would think I said Thank You… but nope, hiding my blushing I say “So what?! You blamed it on me?! Gosh, they must think I am demanding!”
He said “nope, I told them, there will be peace in my house so no rehearsal on thursday.”
Instead they are rehearsing tonight and thats fine.
Valentine’s Day after marriage isn’t so much about the things.
Nor is it about spending hard earned money for a holiday that was created to help retail with post holiday sales..
It’s simply about the thought..
I love my hubby for all his randomness and how thoughtful he is.
I would not trade him for the world! because he is simply the most considerate husband I know.
And he works so hard too!
So tommorrow — its really just allowing us another day, outside of regular date night and scheduled work nights to just pause to spend time together.
So hubby this is for you..
And whats an awesome way to kick off the randomness of Valentine’s Day?!
Tickets to Beyonce’s Mrs. Carter Tour!
Yup! We are in there!
Best HUBBY EVER!!!!!!

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