Photo Credit: C-Thru Lens Edited by: Me
So in 4 months, I guess we would be in that phase of simply “married”.. although we will forever live our lives as newlyweds. It is what I find most important in the marriage in order to remain as happy as you were before you said “I Do!”
In thinking back to this day where this photo was taken… almost two years ago now, before we said our vows and before I gained like 3 sizes (I think clothing manufacturers are starting to cut smaller.. LOL) … here we were, with two ice cream cones: different, yet similar.. one with sprinkles, one without, but yet willing to still share with a smile.
Indulge me if you will for the next few months towards our two year anniversary to share the lessons I learned from being a newlywed in what I call “Newlywed Confessions”.
Newlywed Confessions: There is only ONE argument throughout your relationship that will continue to play out in different ways over and over again.
Don’t believe me? Here is ours…
It is nicknamed, “The Spaghetti Argument“
One day before leaving for work, a conversation was had about what we would have for dinner. I suggested Spaghetti. Hubby concurred and off we went. By the time we had both gotten home from work, a serious nap was needed by us both and yet hunger pains were very well present. Earlier in the morning, I had agreed that I would be the one cooking dinner. By the time I got home tired, I needed help to even stay awake and so I asked my “help mate”… “Can you please just boil the noodles and I will make the meat in just a few?”
You would’ve thought that it was the end of the world to break open a noodle box and shove them into a pot of water. And so, hubby
so graciously declined. Eventually, it turned into a back and forth session of words as to why it should be me who cooks if we are both tired from work. I felt like the compromise should be that we both get in the kitchen and prepare something for BOTH of us to eat. However, he did not see it my way at all! It turned into what I have referred to before as a “time out” for us both. We ceased to speak to each other and dinner was not started for a good while.
We both sat silent. and hungry.
We have applied our pre-marital counseling to break down each of our points to see why this is our argument that will probably appear over and over and not just about spaghetti…
My Point of View: “I need to know that when I am tired and can’t do for myself, you will go out of your way to take care of me. Even if it is inconvenient for you. I need to see that you will make that sacrifice so that our family is fed.” (In other words, Where is MY help help-mate?) Of course, now I am balling crying thinking this is how its always going to be! He is going to see me as the woman who has to have a meal on the table by a certain hour and run and tend to the children when they cry and place me into all these woman “roles” and I am not having it! We are friends and partners! COOK THE DARN NOODLES, MAN!
His point of View: “I need to know that if I am not there or not available that you will still be able to maintain. That you are still that independent woman that I love and that at the end of the day, you will take care of me… when I am completely worn out, will you be that one to always be my number one fan and restore me versus take from me like everyone else in the world does?” (In other words, Where is MY help help-mate?) Should’ve just cooked dinner myself if I was going to have to help you boil water. Really? How incapable are you of making spaghetti.. Please God, Tell me I didn’t marry a woman who cries over boiling water? FORGET IT I AM NOT HUNGRY SINCE YOU WANT TO LET ME STARVE!
In a way, we both wanted the same thing.
We wanted to know where our help would kick in from the mate’s we said I do to.
So what do we do now?
So as newlyweds, what did we learn? We may say different things and even scream it at the top of our lungs, but at the end of the day we are probably saying the same thing. With the energy it took to argue and fall out crying, dinner could’ve been made by now.
Pick and choose battles, because at the end of the day. It was never about the spaghetti…
Marriage is sacrifice and compromise. And we do so daily…we compromise on how much space, if any, he gets in the closet; as wives we put on the big girl panties and make sure our hubby’s are taken care of because trust me, being married to a musician has its perks but with every man there is always some woman out there who is not complaining about making spaghetti..
So how do we avoid this situation in the future?
When we are both tired these days, we just order out.
Anybody else have the dumbest arguments with your significant other, especially when you are sleepy?
Nap time is not just for children… I am just saying.
Ironically, I agreed to make spaghetti tonight also…Fingers crossed.